What would you ask God to help you carry?

I keep telling everybody I'm fine, mostly because I don't want to be one more thing they have to

worry about, but honestly I'm tired. I'm trying to be a good dad. Keep the lights on, return every call.

I think I'd ask God to help me put something down without feeling like I've let everybody down.

it's the ordinary things I miss. My mom used to call while she was making dinner and half

the conversation was just hang on something's boiling over. I used to think, can we talk later?

Now I would give anything for one of those calls. I don't want to stop missing her.

I just want the missing to feel a little less lonely.

I'm starting over, and I'm embarrassed by how much that scares me.

I thought by now I'd be the person giving advice, you know?

Instead, I'm the one asking for help. Maybe that's what I need God to help me carry.

The idea that needing somebody doesn't mean I failed. I can say that.

I'm still trying to believe it.

Yesterday, I laughed so hard in the car that I missed my turn, and then, for a second, I felt guilty.

There's so much going wrong with my family.

How do I get to have a good day?

I think I'd ask for help holding both things, loving them through what's hard,

and still letting a little joy happen to me.

My brother and I haven't really talked in a while.

We send the birthday texts, we ask about the kids.

But there's this whole conversation we keep walking around.

I've rehearsed my side so many times that I've forgotten he probably has one too.

I'd ask God to help me carry less pride into that phone call.

And then, I suppose, I'd have to make it.

I keep setting two cups out in the morning, 30 years of doing it, I guess your hands remember.

He used to leave his right on the edge of the table, drove me crazy.

I don't need God to make me forget any of that.

I just, I'd like a little help with the quiet after I put the second cup away.